I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I am available for nakedness
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
