then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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