she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
