I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
