Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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