Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
