I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
