You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
