Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
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