Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
