So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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