you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
ok first of all what the fuck
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