at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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