I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
