You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
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the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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