I can text with my tongue
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You're like the curious george of whores
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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