Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
