i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
