i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
