I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
