I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
babies were throwing up all over the place
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
