if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
