We named our party play list daddy issues
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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