Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
