College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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