tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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