I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
