So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
