doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
