Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
