I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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