Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
