Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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