2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
