birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
