I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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