I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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