i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
