hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
