I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
