So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
