So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
