Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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