I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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