dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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