You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
