so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A bitchslap is in order.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
