Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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