Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
