She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
