If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
