he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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