great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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