I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
