and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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