I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
