I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
