Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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