She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
