Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
