I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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