I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
