When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
