hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize
