i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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