Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
