when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
40s are totally the cure
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
