So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
