dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
