why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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