Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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