I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
