I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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