if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
