Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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