goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
