You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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