Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
