Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
