Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
