We're like a lot better than the average bears
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
