Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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