Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
